Book Summary: 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Habits are the most basic units of control. Recognizing and improving upon our natural tendencies is where true magic happens.  Sometimes we may feel that our actions are getting ahead of ourselves. The good news is that they can be managed.

There are some habits which are constructive, some habits which are destructive and some which you can let slide under the rug. One of the best habits you can have is to take control over your life. Be mindful of the choices you make, even subconsciously. The worst habits that can take over you are the ones that cause you to blame others all the time.

Pause. Assess. React. Repeat.

Choose your paradigm

In the personal context, a paradigm is a perspective — like a looking glass. Mastering one’s paradigms is a superpower. How you choose to look at yourself, other people, and the rest of the world is defined by what paradigm you choose. Sometimes the glasses through which we view the world become foggy and we might make the wrong call while being absolutely convinced it is right. Remember, even Ptolemy was convinced that the Earth was at the centre of the universe.

If your paradigm is faulty, the opinions you form will be incomplete. Your attachment to these opinions will lead to biases. You’ll find any excuse to tell the world that your incomplete view is the absolute truth. Work to avoid this trap at all costs.In any paradigm you make, ask yourself: Is this helping me or hindering me? Is this contributing towards the betterment of the world or not? The path to self-improvement lies in the answers to these questions.

Relationships, people, sports, academics can all bring a seismic shift in our paradigms. But they are unstable. Centre your life on core principles and layer your perspective upon them. Like a beautiful cake. Think of it this way, the way we feel about ourselves is like a bank account. All positive emotions and feelings are deposits, and all the negatives are withdrawals. Your goal is to maintain a positive balance.

One way of making sure we keep reinventing ourselves is to keep promises to ourselves. That will give you enough incentive to be the driver of your life. By being gentle and honest, the world becomes your oyster.

Okay, now that we’ve got you all set up. Let’s dive into the titular 7-habits themselves.

Habit 1: Be Proactive

You can’t nail any other habits before being proactive. Think of your life as a moving car. Being proactive means taking charge of the driver’s seat. When we drive the car we choose where it goes and what to do.

Maybe your relationship has hit a rough patch and you keep fighting. Instead of immediately blaming all your misery on your S/O, think first. Think before acting. Don’t fall prey to ‘victimitis’. Work it out.

Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind

Life is like solving a 1000 piece jigsaw with no reference. But if you can imagine what the finished picture should look like, it becomes easier to build. Dream big, imagine a future and work towards it.

Habit 3: Put first things first

Nobody likes to be told who they are and what they ought to be, so it’s best to figure yourself out before others try to. In the words of the great Ron Weasely, “Sort out your priorities”. What do YOU really want?

Habit 4: Think win-win

Guess what? The world is all about collaboration, not competition! There is enough space for everyone to thrive. Life is an all-you-can-eat buffet for those who adopt a win-win attitude. The best way to think win-win is to get rid of the ‘comparison’ bug. Everybody drives in their own lanes at the end of the day. You’re only competing with yourself.

Habit 5: Seek first to understand, then be understood

Here’s a secret: nobody will ever completely understand you, not even yourself. You change, you grow, and learn every single day. Everyone is on a journey of discovery. Respect and appreciate that.

The best way to improve your relationship with your parents is to try to know them as humans — humans who are just as flawed as any other. Try to know their personality and they’ll know yours too!

Habit 6: Synergize

Ever wondered how it would feel to be as synchronous as a flock of birds? Granted, we’re not birds, we’re all unique. But there is a lot of beauty in harmonising — in recognising differences and accepting them, we can work better with others.

Don’t be a shunner or a tolerator; be a celebrator of differences. We’re all a minority of one. Understand ‘their way’, ‘your way’, and brainstorm about the ‘high way’. It’s difficult, but all the more worth it.

Habit 7: Sharpen the saw

Take care of your body, mind, and emotions. Keep aside some time to fine-tune yourself, and keep your mind sharp by continuously seeking new knowledge. The world becomes easier to navigate when the mind and body are in sync.

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