Book Summary: Ego is The Enemy

It’s universally acknowledged that man is his own worst enemy, and Ryan Holiday’s Ego is the Enemy echoes this age old testament.

History presents us the tales of many who let ego meddle with their ambitions, achievements, and adversities. A self-proclaimed stoic, Holiday has galvanised them into a neat case against our biggest enemy

We, ourselves.

So what is Ego? The Latin root of the word literally translates to ‘I’. What Freud saw as a subconscious driver of our actions, psychologists see as a clinical extremity. But for us, it is sprinkled in everything we do! It’s the obsession over our self-importance.

It is easy to mistake ego for confidence. In real life, ego doesn’t profess itself through rage smashing or drooling. It acts far more covertly and internally. Nobody wants to admit to egomania — but it’s something we all have, and it’s okay to accept it.

The Comfort Correlation

What makes ego have such power over us is our undeniable need for comfort. Nobody likes not being good at something, but seeking comfort in idealism and glorifications gives us an excuse. It makes us gaslight ourselves and kill true creativity. The urge to impose ourselves in a story where all our failures eventually balance into success and all our complacency results in achievement is a fraudulent one. And modern life has given this urge another boost… with the help of the Internet.

The Internet gives us a platform to self-soothe. To tell ourselves a story that we’re on the right path and that everything will work out. While it’s helpful for sure, it makes us incredibly needy for validation. Hungry to be told that we’re good.

We’ve emboldened ego

In 374 BC, an Athenian teacher Isocrates took on a young Demonicus who had recently lost his father. In his many strings of advice (called noble maxims), he said,

“no adornment so becomes you as modesty, justice, and self-control”

Many years later, this would personify in William Sherman

William Tecumseh Sherman was one of the greatest military strategists and orchestrated many victories during the American Civil War. His realism and rejection of ‘shows of strength’ made him popular beyond belief. So why did he refuse the presidency of the United States?

For Sherman, the art lay in ‘poise and not pose’. In his early days in the Army, he wanted assurance to never hold top offices and commanding positions. He knew that he would do best in no. 2 positions. The ability to value one’s ability is the most important of all. Sherman had ambitions. But he learnt early on how to balance talent and ambition. He held himself in modest regard and focussed not on ‘being somebody’ but ‘doing something’.

When you’re starting out on your journey to follow an ambition you’ll feel nervous and undoubtedly scared. It’s at this crucible that you mustn’t talk. Vocal affirmations act as placebos and make us believe that the journey is half done. “Talking and Doing fight for the same resources”. The more you obsess over planning and talking about your dreams, the less time you spend on practically achieving them. Silence is your armour.

As they say, ‘work hard in silence, let your success make the noise’.

To be or to do?

There comes a time in everyone’s careers where the race to climb up the ladder takes away the essence of your purpose and duty. In promotions, networking and bonuses don’t let your purpose be lost. The choice is yours: Do you want to be or to do? If you chose the former, here’s a story that can help you

Upon getting confirmed as a guitarist in the then upcoming metal band ‘Metallica’. Kirk Hammett immediately felt the need to seek himself a teacher. You see, he didn’t feel like ‘he finally made it’. Instead he felt he had to do more to earn it.

When you become a student, you place your ego in someone else's hands. You subject yourself to constant feedback and give yourself a lot of scope to improve. The pretence of knowledge is one of the worst vices — and being a student solves that!

So when you get a job or a promotion, don’t take it as an external approval of your abilities. Remember, not all promotions mean you’re working well (look up failing upward). Instead take it as an opportunity to hone your craft even more.

Pitfalls of passion

Passion is hailed the precursor of all success. We often see success stories stem from immensely passionate individuals, but this is a classic case of survivorship bias. What about those who were equally if not more invested but couldn’t make it?

Passion causes sparks, and an impulse is formed in the spur of the moment. This sort of naivety is perfectly captured in the tragic movie ‘Into the Wild’. Passion without direction and just excitement is senseless! Take actionable steps!

Help others to help yourself

“The person who clears the path ultimately controls its direction, just as the canvas shapes the painting.” A sense of entitlement can get ahead of us very soon. Therefore, it’s important to consciously practice obeisance and play the long game.

Restraint and Sobriety

Everybody is demeaned and humiliated some day or the other. Even when you’re absolutely right, with tons of talent and connections — you will be treated in a way you’d never want to. Restraint helps here.

In this context sobriety means having unflinching control over yourself. It means the total lack of expectations and working patiently. Charisma can help you gain a position but it is sobriety which will keep it!

Imaginary Audience

We all go by our day as if we’re being watched by ‘an imaginary audience’. Here’s the thing: everybody’s just as self-obsessed as you are. Be brave and get out of this movie you’re trying to show others and live in the present. Take it all in!

Pride comes before a fall

Sure, you may have deserved all your accolades after traversing a hard path. But don’t affix your worth on how much you have ‘to boast about’. Simply stop boasting. As Winston Churchill said, “Facts are much better than dreams.”

Get Working!

Edgar Degas was a celebrated impressionist painter. He dabbled in poetry as well but couldn’t find success. He told his friend “I can’t manage to say what I want, yet I’m full of ideas”.

His friend said “It’s not with ideas, that one makes verse. It’s with words.”

Get rid of the fantasy of working and simply start working instead. And every time you do, you get to tell yourself, “I’m delaying gratification, I am earning this”. As Henry Ford said “you can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do”.

Now that one knows how to handle aspirations. What happens once you actually get what you want? Once you taste that bit of success? Remember that success always comes hand in hand with its wicked sister — Ego

Success is an outlier in your life. It is an irregular yet happy happening. Being egotistical here can fetter you in a prison of your own making. Think of it as just a by-product of your process. Ego wants to have the cake and the cherry too. It doesn’t believe in trade-offs. But if you’ve noticed, reality is full of them. Sometimes you need to choose and walk out of races that don’t even exist. Build that silent confidence!

At the same time, remember that Labels are detrimental. A kid that shows maturity and good grades is instantly labelled ‘a genius’. Once they grow up with a well-fed ego; reality hits. The genius burnout happens and is followed soon by an identity crisis.

Don’t believe ‘names’ and ‘labels’.

As we just went by the Ides of March, we once again remember Julius Caesar. The emperor who was stabbed because his entitlement knew no bounds. He lost control of himself. Entitlement and control leads to paranoia. Know that the universe owes you nothing! We all want to be remembered by our names for posterity. But such a focus is deceptive. Acquiesce yourself to duty.

“Play for the name in front of your jersey and people will remember the name on the back”

Connect with something bigger than yourself.

Think of your insignificance in the scope of the universe. Neil DeGrasse Tyson once said, “When I look up in the universe, I know I’m small, but I’m also big.  I’m big because I’m connected to the universe and it is connected to me.”

How do you recover from ‘rock-bottom’?

“Oh my god, how did this happen to me?” This is a line of thinking which can make failures worse. Know that life has sliced a share of failure for everybody. You’re no different in that sense. Accept it and be calm. In life, even when we do everything right and keep ego away from us we might meet gut wrenching failures. And that is okay, there are many things you can’t control. In times like these, just making the effort is enough. Learn and move on!

The real failure happens when you abandon your principles. When you don’t see past yourself and hold everyone else accountable, you’ve failed automatically. If your reputation cannot absorb a few blows — maybe it isn’t worth it!

Most of all, learn to love especially when you can’t. The annoying toddler who wouldn’t stop crying on the flight. The person who cheated on you. When you love you give in to the most egoless, vibrant, and positive feeling in the world.

We hope this summary helps you gain control of your emotions and ego and live a more fulfilled life. To gain control of your finances, join the Yodaa Club.